I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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