So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
