she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The Olympian is in my bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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