When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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