sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
