PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
