i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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