Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
