remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
