TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
