once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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