I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
