and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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