Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
