You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
