i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
