2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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