I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize