the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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