Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
