My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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