His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
