My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
