im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
