woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
