What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We need to get me chipped asap
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
