Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
