Whod you bang
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
