You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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