He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
