its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
