can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize