and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
