my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
