i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
