HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
