So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
