marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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