I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
