idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
