Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
