This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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