His pubic hair was longer than his dick
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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