party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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