and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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