someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
