the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Houston, we have a blender
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize