Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
