You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
