know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The struggles of a small town man whore
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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