I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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