There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
