i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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