Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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