i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
