We're facebook friends in real life
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
