Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize