don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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