Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
