I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
