Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
