woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
