Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
