I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
