Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
