If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
